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Jun. 27th, 2009

I am now a part of this:
(forgive my lack of linking, my HTML's a bit rusty and I'm too tired to look it up)

You can see video of past performances here:

My first performance with them is 7/25/09. Details to come.

No shit, these women posted for new members and then, when I expressed interest, told me that they were looking to hear specifically from me. FROM ME.
Coulda knocked me over with a feather.

So after getting myself all worked up, then chickening out, I went to the audition. We danced a bit, they taught me a couple things I suspect just to see how long it would take me to pick it up, and then I did my 3:58 solo piece (that I'd only ever danced in my head before that moment) and voila, done deal.

*shakes head*

So there was that. Then the Showcase went off w/ naught but minor hitches and since I wasn't in it, I actually got to watch this time. It was really nice. Open drum and dance afterwards rounded out the day.

Got to talk to Mitten today too, so that was super. It feels good to know that someone looks forward to talking to you. There is much love in that general area. :)

You know, for waking up at 5am to broken AC followed by a fit of retardedment, today turned out to be a ridiculously good day. Thank you to all who made that happen for me. :)

Lost n Found

So at some point today I thought of an old friend, an aelf.

I realized it's been many many moons since I'd experienced her mind and spirit - and I put it that way for a reason - she is without doubt one of the most openly and unashamedly intelligent and thoughtful beings I've ever had the privilege to know.

So tonight I followed the bouncing ball and found her, right where i left her - but then again, not. The little aelf has gone off and become a full fledged faery queen while I wasn't looking. And the depth of her! I read her words and an overwhelming sense of YES came over me - it hit me that this sort of influence, this sort of safety, this sort of likeness to think it all through and let it all show is grossly missing from my current environs.

It's nice to remember, because I know I used to be that way. Not sure what happened. I think things like Doorhings and Babylon happened.

Thank you, Kash, for still being out there. Even inadvertently, you reminded me about myself.



Not the Modest Mouse kind, not the rootbeer kind. The internal kind, the one that makes you think that maybe you really CAN fly...

all better

Lockdown has done it's job - no more nonsense. Looks like both profiles have been deleted. Good sign.

Cali has been kind to me. Weather is great. I have something to look forward to when I go home.

GO see Star Trek, it rocks out w/ the kawk out. Love.

Writer's Block: LiveJournal Book Club

Out of all of your favorite books, pick just one you'd recommend everyone read. As a bonus: why did you pick that one?

Buddhism: Plain and Simple by Steve Hagen.

Why: Not because I think everyone should convert (though it would be beneficial to everyone involved) but because even someone who has strength in their own faith can benefit from the hands-on, useful-in-everyday-life concepts that ought to fit seamlessly into anyone's life, regardless of faith.

It's about a way of being, rather than a belief system.

Writer's Block: Celebrating Friendships

Over the past ten years, many friendships have started and/or been renewed on LiveJournal. Of your current LJ friends, who have you known the longest?

themyscira and i have been friends since jr. year of HS.

After that, has to be medancer, then inward_singer, K, tendrils...

Gues what time it is...

Yep, you betcha, it's spring.


Ok, so I got unceremoniously dumped by my emotionally and physically crippled (by choice on both, btw) bf. Yay. Thanks for brining all my shit back without making me have to pack or load it. :)

I told someone at the dance studio to stop being a prima dona and now there's a whole can of worms crawling around the dance floor. Joy.

I need to get stapled to a mattress and gorilla fucked in a serious way. It's been nearly 6 months. Sandarita is not pleased.
Requirements: drug/disease/drama free, NSA, quick-witted, decisive and strong but not aggressive, not shorter than me (except in very particular circumstances), willing to host and to leave the back door alone, ffs. Jesus, that sounds like a "casual encounters" ad on Craigslist. But it is what it is. Oh, preferably aged 21-40, though at this point the younger the better, stamina-wise.

Yeah, and now I can get on LJ from work. Werd.

Yes, I'll go as far as to actually say it.


The ridiculousness will end and again we have hope - even those of you who are despairing right now have HOPE again, though you don't yet know it.

For the last 8 years we've had none (look around, folks - the proof''s in the pudding) and now there's a tiny pinprick of bright white light at the end of what is admittedly a very long tunnel - a very long tunnel that until last night was completely dark.

This is the best thing that's happened to America in a VERY long time.


In no particular order:

*America = going to hell in a handbasket. I know, this isn't news, it's just getting more pronounced with each passing day and I'm finally starting to get worried.
See, up until now I've had a very nonchalant (two l's?) attitude about it, because in Sandieland one shouldn't expend energy on things one cannot control - and until my super-powers kick in and I can suddenly control rich white men in every corner of the nation from here, fretting over it all hasn't appeared useful.
Now, however, things appear to be getting a great deal more serious very quickly and I'm starting to want to turtle up to ride it out - but I don't know if I can.

Forgive me - babbling - haven't really thought this one out all the way yet, thinking "out loud" as it were. Feel free to correct/cajole/coerce at will.

*Relationships = frequently more trouble than they're worth.
Yeah, getting laid on a regular basis is nice and all, but frankly I feel obliged to care about the bullshit he gets himself into (for instance, knowing a year ago that eventually he was going to get laid off and have no job and sticking around waiting for it to happen instead of being as smart as a rat who knows to get OFF a sinking ship) when frankly I have no sympathy for him whatsoever.
I guess that's what I get for hooking up with Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde-His-Head-In-The-Sand.

*Work - finally found my niche, and am making myself indispensable. Granted, if you can't be replaced you can't be promoted but I don't want to be promoted. I want to be left alone.
And that appears to be working out rather well for the time being.

*The other "Work" - I see P.J. again on Monday, at which time I'll fill her in on the happenings - I've been taking notes, for a change - we'll see where that goes. It's strange, but I'm looking forward to it.

*... Ok, that's all for now, I'm bored with this.

You got a nuther thing comin'.

I don't know what that means in relation to my life right now, it's just the hook to the last song I heard.
Hence the term "hook" - it gets in your head and stays there.

I'm sort of... muffled (?) right now. Not really doing anything except working, sleeping, and spending the weekends at B's house - which would be STELLAR if one thing was different. As it stands it's simply nice.

I think it might be too hot to do anything else.

Just look around, really - what is there to say? The weather's completely jacked up world-wide, people are dying for imaginary reasons everywhere, and my countrymen are, for the most part, sitting fat and happy and oblivious.

Not much more to say, really.

Spring '08

Shocking, I know.

Message at the top of the window says "9 minutes remaining."

Like I wont just log back in.

The list for today:
*Bathe. Daily. Without fail. No arguments. Women DO NOT like men who are not clean, and when you're in the situation YOU are in, you need every leg-up you can get.
Start today, and never stop - or content yourself with being alone forever.

*No spark? That's not what you were saying a few months ago, liar. (either then or now)
Keep this about what it's about, please. (and ftiw, I'm not even remotely unhappy with you - I just want to make sure you understand that people remember what you say, and hold you to it.)

*Quit drinking. Nobody likes you when you're like that, and you're like that a lot.

*I wish I could, too, hon, but I can't. Neither can you. Let go.

And to all of my friends who have chosen to bear children, please take heed: Whether you like it or not, whether you know it or not, whether you believe it or not, everything you do affects your child, and thereby everyone your child will ever come in contact with, directly or indirectly. Be who you want your children to become, every minute, whether they can see you or not.

Me? I need to work on being financially responsible. I don't mean "stop spending the rent money on crack/hookers/gambling", I mean "give yourself a pedicure instead of paying Huong to do it", or "pack your damn lunch instead of having Big John's every day".


Grr grr grr. Why on earth do i do ths 2 myself.
U have 2 b fucking kidding me. I want what i want, why can i not have it?
Ya know, sometimes i wish i could be the proverbial "fly on the wall"... I'd learn so much more about the things i care about that way.

The new news...

... is that there is and isn't any.

You know that thing I do when I get bored and decide I need some excitement in my life?
Yeah, that thing.
Well, I did it.
And it was both awesome and horrid.

Spring sprang late this year...

Chastisement and other things...

I got chastised last week for not posting more frequently.

Well, dollface, you know... sometimes I just don't have anything to say "out loud", so I don't say anything at all.

That being said, there have been changes:

*random raise at work - that was nice. Not gonna argue with that.

*talking to John via snail mail, since he's in prison - got the whole story (his side, obviously, and rather objective, considering) and WOW I don't think anyone could screw up more than that and still be alive. 'Nuff said on that.

*single, and LOVING it - long story short, I prefer the company of adults to the company of (even the most "mature") children and learned my lesson(s) the hard way, as is my habit. I have done a little "house cleaning" recently and removed some unsavory and rather Fundy influences. Those of you who have not been given your pink slips, thank you for being rational and cognizant-of-reality human beings - and for not expecting me to tell you what you want to hear, because that's LYING, which sucks balls.

*enjoying the company of a variety of people for a change - Jen & co., Sarah & co., Alex and co... good times and good people - no pretentious bullshit, no expectations, no "be someone else because I don't like who you really are" attitudes. Of course, this, like all things, will end, but I'm getting used to that.

*strong dreams lately - dreamed about Davey - he was still alive and was healthy and happy and we had a great time together - it was good to see him again, even if it was only in a dream.

*mom appears to be getting her shit together - though she's appeared to be doing so before, so we shall see. I'm hopeful, having explained the situtation to her in no uncertain terms (and putting it in writing this time).

Hmmm... what else... nope, that's about it - launching into the fall party season, which should lead me down some interesting roads in the next month or two, going for a quasi-promotion at work which should be a nice change of pace, and school is, as always, school - though this time a different school with different people and different mindset, which is really the important thing. ADULT peers, doesn't that sound wonderful?


Oh, and this was a funny I found in my myspace bulletins last weekend:

Top Ten Signs You"re a Fundamentalist Christian...Collapse )

Tuesdays With Morrie

Have any of you read this?

Last night and this morning was all it took me to read it (and that was admist random blue n gold chaos) and it was a very easy read.

It was also very hard.

Hearing many things I've already thought/said over the years, and many others that I'd never managed to put into words for myself, was glorious, but to "see" someone's end in that light was - humbling, for one - I can't explain it.

If you have, do it again.
If you haven't, do it soon.

Absolutely worth the time it takes to read it and the paper it's printed on...

... and the tears it will bring.

Jun. 27th, 2007

A whole community devoted to letters you'll never send.

How many of those have each of us written (even if only in our heads) over the years?

Dear_you, if you want to go look.
(can't be arsed to link properly, sorry)

Solstice has passed, this can stop now...

*Sent letter to subject of previous post. We'll see how (if) he responds.

*A wrong that has stuck in my craw for the last 4.5 years was addressed by me the other day.
It seemeth to me that I truly am an idealist, and that the blindest are the ones who refuse to see.
I've looked, and tried desperately to see; I know.

I feel better for having tried, though.
You can't win if you don't play.

*The pacific northwest is calling, and serendipitously enough, I made connection today with a long-term (and very dear) friend who happens to live up that way - perhaps a meeting of the minds shall ensue.
Hmmm... guess that means I'll have to dust off my good manners...

*It's too hot in my bedroom to sleep at night, so Elvis and I are both getting spoiled rotten by sleeping within arms' (wings', in his case) reach of each other in the living room. Gods forbid the chaos when it cools off...

And that's all she wrote for now... need to get a few things done before 6.

Jun. 13th, 2007

I feel a little sick.

Right after this year's big SCA event, I heard via the grapevine that John, from John & Co., was in jail for aggravated assault (rumoredly against his child bride).

Today, on a whim, I looked.

He is.

5 years, started almost a year ago, won't be out until 2011.

The photograph included in his profile was startling, to say the least.
To be flippant about it, orange is NOT his color.
To be serious about it, it damn near breaks my heart... even after everything.

I don't know what to say.

I feel a little sick.

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

T minus 7 days and counting...

Those of you who know me know this: to me, chronological age is just that - chronological.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious!" you might say, but I have a point if you'll hush up and wait for it.

My point is this; I turn (chronologically) 35 in a week, and truth? I'm indifferent to the number. The number is something other people (the mysterious and omnipresent They) look at in order to classify me, to pigeon hole me and (so they think) understand my psyche. An anonymously wise person (and being anonymously wise is probably smarter than being publically and notoriously wise, since once people think you're wise they're constantly badgering you for Wisdom, as if it weren't as free as the air we breathe, but I digress...) was recorded as saying "One does not grow old. When one stops growing, one becomes old."

And I've found that to be the absolute truth.
Have you met me?
If so, you know it's true, too.

Peace out - and keep getting too big for yer britches.

Nov. 22nd, 2006

*trumpet fanfare*

Greetings, my beloved minions.

school ending sooner rather than later
2 big performances looming (Gammage and M.A.C.)- several small ones, as well, but whatev to those
have switched from hazelnut lattes to plain ol' coffee
going to SWIHA next week to meet with advisement-type personage
recorded last night's performance and Cadence = rawk... though I will admit I was a little pitchy...
won a turkey from work for working OT last weekend
might win $100 giftcard to ? for working OT this weekend

I think that's it.

Well, as "it" as it ever gets, for me...


A rarity - a weekday off from work.
Thank you Glenn, for giving me cause.

I need (not necessarily in this order):
*a nap
*a sweater
*motivation to wander over to the music building for rehearsal

Ooh, look! There's my motivation - coffee is on the way to the music building.

Peace out, homies.

Nov. 11th, 2006

When one cares more for the forest than the trees, true growth begins.

Hey, you...

Yes, YOU


Enjoy it, that's an order.

In other news, it's voting day.
Go vote, or don't, I can't say for certain that it'll make any difference either way - but if it does, and you didn't, won't you feel silly.

In other other news, boobs.

Aug. 31st, 2006

My chances of going to Flag this weekend are pretty high, but not definite yet.
Waiting to hear about lodging and funds.


So much to do, so little time.


And, Voila!

She's not dead.

There's 984763 things to talk about, and not knowing where to start prevents me from starting at all.

Alive, well, in school, missing the boy who is now in Flagstaff, and that's about all there is to that.

Shopper's Delight...

Just got home from a shopping trip to Old Navy with Kathryn.

For $38 I got:
a big madras sling bag
a white racer-back yoga top
a white beaded tanktop
a plain raspberry cami
a pair of khaki pants
a purple linen belted skirt
a plum tunic with beige embroidery
a black tunic with black beadwork
a white low-slung sweater thingie (to wear over another shirt)

Then we wandered 2 doors down to Lame Giant, where we each got a pair of shades ($9.99) and a
loose-knit pull-over tunic sweater (black, of course) for $7.50 - which we agreed never to wear at the same time... as with half of the rest of our wardrobes.

So for *counts* less than $60 (if you include tax) I did pretty good.

The khaki pants need hemming, which isn't an issue, and the black tunic might need some stretching done to it, but that's the work of a few minutes in both cases, so I'm ok with it... the pants were only $2.99! For that price, I can put a hem in.

Yeah, I love Old Navy's semi-annual "Extra-half-off-clearance" sale.
You know what else I love?
Being able to afford it.

Ooops! I did it again...

... and no, I don't mean quoting 'Mom of the Year' Ms. Spears.

There was a list of stuff in my head but naturally now that I've sat down to enter it I don't remember what it was.

Oh yes.
In no particular order:
Long and long...Collapse )

Jul. 18th, 2006

Is it wrong that the only reason I want to see the new Miami Vice movie is for Colin Farrel's sex scene(s)?

Jul. 16th, 2006

MWAHAHAHA! It's Sunday and:

*I don't have screaming cunt-drops nagging me for everything under the sun.
*I don't have to get ready to spend 8 hours being nice to people I don't like


*I have both time and inclination to go to Ikea
*I have both time and inclination to give away a bunch of crap that's been cluttering my life for the past year
*I have both time and inclination to finish my laundry

The list could go on but I don't have the inclination to continue. I do, however, have the time.

Last night we had dinner at the Sahara (<3) and went to Zia, where some really... interesting 'bands' were 'playing'.
(It could also be said that some idiots were making really cacophonic and ear splitting noise, but I digress.)
I picked up a couple of really cool CDs... a collection of East-inspired classical music and a collection of Gregorian chant over nature sounds.

Got an invite to go to the Buddhist temple here in town with a friend I haven't seen in a while, so that should be fun... I might go next Sunday if the cookies crumble right.

Now? I'm going to put some clothes on and take the boy to work so I can get started for the day.

For the first time...

... since October of 2004, I have weekends off.

I have no idea what to do with myself.

After I take the boy to work and pick up my check from Passive-Aggressive Response (and I can say that now since I'm not in fear of getting fired anymore *blows raspberries at management*) I'm going to:
*go to the bank to deposit said check
*go to CageWorld to visit Elvis for an hour or more
*go to Target to visit my mom
*get a pedicure
*stop at post office to mail stuff and get stamps

And then I'm going to think about (and probably not actually get around to):
*doing laundry
*taking give-away stuff to Goodwill
*make room for E's cage in my room
*going to the gym

And I probably will instead
*finish book 1 of 'The Wheel of Time' and start book 2 (starting from the beginning to pass the time until book 12 comes out in '07-'08)

Ah, weekends...

Go forth...

Say what you have to say....

If you have anything to say to the person who posts this, say it to them.
If you love them, tell them.
If you hate them, tell them.

Whatever you have to say to this person, even if it's something you're having trouble saying, if the person posts this entry, say it to them.

You may never get a chance to again, so just do it.

And for protection of the 'innocent', comments will be screened.


I just spent the last 90 minutes geeking on several Wheel of Time sites.

Jul. 5th, 2006

*Free fireworks from the balcony are better than the kind you actually drive to see (and have to pay for parking/entrance/whatnot) BECAUSE; at home you can avoid all the nationalist propaganda that goes along with a 4th of July display.

*Polish sausages with spicy brown mustard and Ruffles (yes I was being bad today, it's a freakin' holiday, ffs, hush) rock.

*Elvis spoke today, as clearly as anyone has ever spoken - I went to the sink with him on my shoulder to wash the sticky grape-leavings off my finger (because my boy is a messy eater) and as soon as I turned on the water and started splashing in it he said 'Water?' and I about shat myself I was so excited!!! He said it about 6 more times before I turned the water off, and A. and I were pleasantly surprised/pleased.... he only has ever mumbled words before, and this was a real breakthrough. Very cute. Water, indeed.

*Speaking of Elvis, I'll be bringing him home the first weekend in August. This is exciting.

*Last night we got home from work and the budgie cage was empty. the door had somehow gotten open, whether it was left open or the little fuckers figured out how to open it I don't know, but after finding the first two immediately, the 3rd after about 10 minutes, the 4th wasn't showing after approx 45 minutes. So we took the original 3, put them on Commando Alert, and put them in random places around the house. They started calling to each other, and #4 piped up and then we found her, in a place we'd already looked. Grrr budgies.

*I LOVE our gym. Esp. the cathedral-like accoustics in the pool area, which were showcased to their best effect last night by the young hispanic man who was singing some sort of chant-like church song in there while I was swiming. I stopped and was listening, slightly enchanted, until he noticed and stopped. I encouraged him in my broken Spanglish to continue, it was beautiful. He blushed and refused.

*New job starts in T - 6 days. Notice the time. Also notice that I'm not in the least bit tired.

*I'm getting more and more sensitive to noise in my old age. The a/c, the dishwasher, the birds, the TV and the boy are all making minimal noise right now but it's driving me nuts.

*The movie 'Alexander'? Yeah, don't. I got through the first hour or so, and it's TERRIBLE. I don't know what Oliver Stone was thinking (or IF he was thinking) but GAH! Ok, to say something positive, the hotness factor was through the roof; Angelina, Val, Colin (Gods, COLIN *drool*) Jonathan Rhys Myers, Jared Leto, Rosario Dawson. But because all of these people are generally excellent actors, I was shocked and appalled to see the attrociousness that was on-screen, which I can only attribute to the direction, but O.S. has never made such drivel before, so I'm puzzled. And sad. This could have been a great film, but no. It's not.

There was more, but I can't remember... Oh, wait. I remember now.

You know how when you're driving past a really bad accident, and there's guts and gore and body parts lying in the road, and it's just nasty, but you can't stop looking?
Yeah, it's sort of like that. It's grossing me out, making my skin crawl, and at the same time it makes me incredibly glad that it's NOT ME.

In the end, the betrayer only betrays himself.

Toxic foods list

I just spent 30 minutes combing the net for a simple list of the foods our fids can't have.

I am aware of:
chocolate, avocado, anything highly acidic, anything with a high sodium content, the vines/greens of tomato, potato, eggplant... I can't think of anything else.

Anybody have a comprehensive list or link thereto?


Jun. 24th, 2006

I forget that common sense isn't.
I wish (to go to the festival) I was still asleep, but I'm not.
I hope Aaron's home when I get home tonight.
I want to stop missing people who don't deserve that from me.

Jun. 20th, 2006

*figuring out which budgies go with which other budgies

*had a fit of 'WAAAAH' in Target today

*phone's back on

*have big plans for Thursday - shopping, birds, trial membership tour at Bally's

*trial membership at Bally's! Aaron and I are going to go on a 'trial membership' jag and do them all until we (I) find one that we (I) like. I say we (I) because he's leaving in 6 weeks or so.

*Aaron's leaving in +/- 6 weeks - I don't know that I want to look at that one right now

*watching K-Pax

Jun. 15th, 2006

Why don't you see how much you know about me.
If you don't know anything about me, let's see how well you can bullshit.

My name:

Who or what is the love of my life:

Where did we meet:

Take a stab at my middle name(s):

How long have you known me:

When is the last time that we saw each other:

Do I smoke:

Do I drink:

What was your first impression of upon meeting me/seeing me:

What's one of my favorite things to do:

Am I funny:

What's my favorite type of music:

What is the best feature about me:

Am I shy or outgoing:

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:

Do I have any special talents:

If you were going to tack a label on my soup can, (Aberzombie and Flinch, Ghetto-Fab, Old Navy Slavy, etc.) what would it say?

Have you ever hugged me:

What is my favorite food:

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:

What's your favorite memory of me:

What is my worst habit:

If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is the one thing I would bring?

Are we friends:

Will you repost this so I can make fun of you, too?

Jun. 14th, 2006

"Psychos do NOT explode when sunlight hits them."
George Clooney - From Dusk Til Dawn

Although they should...

Pro-humanity? Psh.

I'm NOT.
I'll tell you.

Because IN MY EXPERIENCE, both direct and indirect, the human race has made a right mess of things.
The ones who know better aren't enough in number to make any lasting difference, and the ones who don't know better simply don't CARE to, which makes it that much worse.

Talk about the anti-Midas touch, we've got it.
Most of everything we touch, we ruin.

So you'll just have to suck up the idea that your diatribe is going to fall on deaf ears, because my problem with people is the same as the problem you indicated.
You just want to make us all better people, loving and compassionate and protectors-of-life.
Me? I'm not contributing to the situation EITHER WAY; not making more, not going to stop the ones that are already here from killing themselves off.

Callous? Perhaps.
Indifferent? You betcher sweet bippy.

So you go storm around waving your little internet tentacles and spouting about selfishness and inconvenience and whatnot, and I'll be over here not giving a rat's ass because you shouldn't be here anyway.

None of us should.


The Last One Out

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